Death Calling

1963, Kansas City Missouri. I was 13 years old. We all took the bus to and from school. I was living with my Grandparents at the time. It was, in so many ways one of the best times of my life. But, with all good things, there must be some bad.

Tom Saddler was a bully and much bigger and older then me. I don’t know why he started picking on me, but I remember he did. He would come on the bus and pull all the buttons off my shirt and belittle me in front of the other kids. It didn’t take long before I challenged him. Well, him whipped the crap out of me! I did that 2 more times before it sank in that I could not beat him in a fight.

I hated him so much! So, at night before I went to sleep, I started this monolithic thought process that would last for 20 minutes sometimes. All I thought about was him dying. Over and over I screamed it in my head. It was so intense that I would sweat during these strange sessions. I did this every night for two weeks.

Then I heard that he had been killed in a car accident and was cut in half by a telephone pole. Life goes on.

Some years later, while playing in a band, I was given the bullshit honor of telling the bass player he was fired. He didn’t take it well and pushed me around some. He also said some pretty bad shit to my face. He was much older then the rest of us.

Well, once again I did this voodoo type crap focusing on him. Some months later, I heard he dyed in Vietnam. He had only been in country for several weeks. All coincidence right? The fabrication of a young kid. Maybe not.

Many years later, 1986 to be exact, I found myself in a fiery relationship with Dorothy Mae Shaddox, AKA Dottie. It was the best and worst love of my life! To say it was a hate/love relationship for both of us would be and understatement. We both abused the living shit out of the other over and over again.

At some point I found myself living alone in a dump across town. I started wishing she would have a heart attack in the same mystic ways of the past, but with a twist. I would pull back and reverse my wish because I loved her. This oscillation of emotions went back and forth for days. Then I heard that while she was at work she started suffering what appeared to be symptoms of a heart attack. She was rushed to a hospital, but after examination, nothing could be found. No reason for the episode.

I swore that from that day forward, I would never do this to another person ever again and to this day I never have. This is a true story, believe it or not.

1963, Kansas City Missouri. I was 13 years old. We all took the bus to and from school. I was living with my Grandparents at the time. It was, in so many ways one of the best times of my life. But, with all good things, there must be some bad.

Tom Saddler was a bully and much bigger and older then me. I don’t know why he started picking on me, but I remember he did. He would come on the bus and pull all the buttons off my shirt and belittle me in front of the other kids. It didn’t take long before I challenged him. Well, him whipped the crap out of me! I did that 2 more times before it sank in that I could not beat him in a fight.


I hated him so much! So, at night before I went to sleep, I started this monolithic thought process that would last for 20 minutes sometimes. All I thought about was him dying. Over and over I screamed it in my head. It was so intense that I would sweat during these strange sessions. I did this every night for two weeks.

Then I heard that he had been killed in a car accident and was cut in half by a telephone pole. Life goes on.

Some years later, while playing in a band, I was given the bullshit honor of telling the bass player he was fired. He didn’t take it well and pushed me around some. He also said some pretty bad shit to my face. He was much older then the rest of us.

Well, once again I did this voodoo type crap focusing on him. Some months later, I heard he dyed in Vietnam. He had only been in country for several weeks. All coincidence right? The fabrication of a young kid. Maybe not.

Many years later, 1986 to be exact, I found myself in a fiery relationship with Dorothy Mae Shaddox, AKA Dottie. It was the best and worst love of my life! To say it was a hate/love relationship for both of us would be and understatement. We both abused the living shit out of the other over and over again.

At some point I found myself living alone in a dump across town. I started wishing she would have a heart attack in the same mystic ways of the past, but with a twist. I would pull back and reverse my wish because I loved her. This oscillation of emotions went back and forth for days. Then I heard that while she was at work she started suffering what appeared to be symptoms of a heart attack. She was rushed to a hospital, but after examination, nothing could be found. No reason for the episode.

I swore that from that day forward, I would never do this to another person ever again and to this day I never have. This is a true story, believe it or not.